Tiger Woods Deeply Grateful for Deflategate

Earlier this week, the sports world exploded with the shocking story that the New England Patriots were caught using footballs that were deflated below the league mandated minimum PSI. Based on the media coverage, this is the biggest sports story in years, and has become perhaps the most captivating whodunit since “Who Shot J.R.?” And for all the millions of Patriots haters out there delighting in the so-called Deflategate/Ballghazi/Ballgate scandal, the person most thankful for New England’s troubles is not a hater at all; it is a golfer by the name of Tiger Woods.

For a long time, everything that Tiger Woods did was a major sports story, be it slightly altering his swing, hiring someone new to carry his golf clubs for him, or going out on a date with a skier. But this past week, one of the most famous athletes on the planet showed up at a downhill skiing race missing a tooth. Tiger’s agent provided the least believable explanation imaginable for the missing tooth when he claimed that a media member accidentally knocked out the tooth with a video camera.

I should point out that I am not saying that explanation provided by the agent is untrue; I am just saying that it is impossible for most objective observers to believe. How in the name of God could such a famous athlete get his tooth knocked out by a media member’s video camera at a highly public event and there not be any video or pictures of the incident. Keep in mind that this was a media member, who is making a living by reporting newsworthy moments in sports. What would be more newsworthy than a close up video of Tiger’s tooth getting knocked out? Why have no fans tweeted or posted pictures of Tiger and his entourage searching for the tooth in the snow? Why have we not seen any video of Tiger yelling at the offending cameraman?

If this had happened any other time the sports media would be transfixed on Toothgate, but as luck would have it, nobody is all that curious about what happened to the tooth. Tiger could come out and say that Lindsey Vonn knocked it out with her ski pole and it still wouldn’t knock Tom Brady’s deflated balls off the front pages.